anxiety vs peace

The Bible tells us not to be anxious, but rather let our requests be made known to God with thanksgiving. Anxiety comes naturally and easily, whereas thankfulness does not. I wouldn't even consider myself an anxious person, but troubling things creep up slyly. 

There were a handful of times after remission that I found myself overcome with anxiety over a minor thing, really. The most recent being as I lay in bed having just awoke at who knows what hour. My thoughts were centered on and consumed by the bulging port that still remained in my husband's chest. I was filled with both unease and agitation. The doctor had agreed it needed to come out, the request for an appointment had been made, yet nothing had been scheduled while weeks and months drifted by. It was one of those small things that's just outside of reach or control; something unnecessary to nag about, but still bothersome. Why it didn't bother the one in whose body it remained, I'll never understand. He may have easily ignored it, but I couldn't. 

Artificial items that no longer need to be attached to the body need to come out. Artificial items that serve a medical purpose are fine while they serve their purpose. Once the job is done, everything needs to be cleared out and returned to the owner. That's my thought, anyway.  

Now I know the things we meditate on either promote rest or distress. It's a choice of what to think about. In my case, I knew fretting over this one thing wasn't helping. Even if cancer was gone, surely there was something else to worry over, so says the old devil. Even if joy showed up at the door, surely there was unhappiness just behind that would arrive to wipe away the smiles and silence the laughter. Even if God had providentially supplied our every need, surely time would tell that he had not. 

Thought after thought can plague like a disease OR thought after intentional thought can be brought to the very throneroom of God in abandonment and surrender WITH thanksgiving. Jesus saved me and gave access to the Father, so I get to practice turning from worry and embracing peace - the kind he gives. 

How big is the God I serve? Is my stuff too big or too bothersome to allow him to handle? 

Wednesday night we went to bed, setting our alarms for an early rise and trip to the hospital. The Lord blessed the surgical port removal, and we left in record time. We went out to enjoy a local breakfast place and then got to rest and relax at home for the remainder of the day. Turning to the Lord with this one request followed by praise and gratitude came before (and during) this appointment. I got to witness the accomplishment of something I'd waited for, even though it was a mini battle in my head at times. 

At the end of the day, we all have a million and one things that can cause distress, but it should always come back to God's place in our lives. I think of the story of the disciples in the ship, the storm raging, waking Jesus with cries for help. His reply asking why they're so fearful, "O ye of little faith" is classic. If we don't really know the God we belong to, it's no wonder we would fret and despair over and over. It's no wonder we would be held in the grip of everything but his loving hands.